December 2011
16 posts
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5 Inventions Twentysomethings Can't Live Without
*Men—please pay special attention to #1. When did men become so passive and disappointing?
1. Texting
You know what would be like a funny joke? If AT&T and all the other phone companies abolished texting for 24 hours and declared it: “Stop Being A Freak And Just Call Someone On The Phone” Day. Parents would be elated about this holiday but twentysomethings would actually lose...
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Goal of the Week: Live My Life Like It’s A Bret... →
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WatchNow this is how you get closure.
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September 2011
1 post
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August 2011
1 post
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April 2010
1 post
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No, they don't.
Understanding ladies fail
March 2010
1 post
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How Lovely to Be a Woman!
This year a skin dye called My New Pink Button was released. It is being marketed to women whose labia has darkened with age.
January 2010
2 posts
Because you never know where that girl you raped...
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December 2009
1 post
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November 2009
1 post
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If herpes had a drink of choice, it would be this:
October 2009
6 posts
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And Now You Know: Bank Robbing 101
Bank Robbing Tip # 1: Don’t worry about manners. It’s over. You’ve had a manners fail if you’re robbing a bank, so just go for it.
In Ohio, a man attempted to rob a bank. Feliks Goldshtein, 24, entered a bank wearing a ski mask and holding what turned out to be a toy gun. He proceeded to politely wait in line. When he reached the teller, he was asked to remove his ski mask...
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“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of...”
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-Tom Robbins
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Lady Gaga covering Coldplay’s Viva La Vida
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The Oxycontin Express →
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Phrase of the Week:
“Latter Day Taint”
*courtesy of Joel Mchale
September 2009
14 posts
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Phrase of the Week: the Freud Series
“anal sadism”
e.g., Paul was a great dancer and all, but I could not take one more minute of his anal sadism.
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I’ll Be Your Mirror -Velvet Underground
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The Hamburger Bed
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And Now You Know: An Urban Dictionary Edition
What does “lulz” mean?
Answer: Lulz is the one good reason to do anything, from trolling to rape. After every action taken, you must make the epilogic dubious disclaimer: “I did it for the lulz”.
This has been pioneered by encyclopedia dramatica, famous for posting a fake craigslist add and then listing the personal info of those who responded.
“Why did he post a...
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Moon River -Audrey Hepburn
Welcome to my...
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This Happened
I’m sitting in my Human Development class right now, furiously taking notes, and I just realized I wrote the following sentence:
He gets such a good feeling from defecation.
Oh Freud… you always bring the lulz!
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Darwin Bookcase
Now this is an invention I can get behind. It was designed by Malin Kallman, a 25 year old designer from Sundsvall, Sweden.
*Fun Side Note: My ex-boyfriend, now an impoverished heroin addict, also lives in Sundsvall, Sweden.
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“Jack: Lemon, I’m impressed. You’re beginning to think like a...”
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-Jack Donaghy to Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
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nice try, though
Sometimes an invention comes along that is a really good idea, but is just not doable because you’d look like too much of a douchebag using it. This is one of those inventions:
This Japan’s Umbrella Shoulder Holder that let’s you keep your both hands free in the rain to carry your stuff! It shaped likes a snake, you just attach the handle of umbrella to red wire sausage and...
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Flying High -Jem
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FU Penguin!
FU PENGUIN!
Do you ever get pissed off about animals? Well a dear friend recently introduced me to a brilliant site called Fuck You, Penguin (www.fupenguin.com) which is basically a blog where this guy rants about various animals and why they fail at life.
******The following is a post from the website******
Beavers think they’re so fucking clever
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s animals...
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And Now You Know
Male hospital patients tend to fall out of bed twice as often as female hospital patients.
*Source: The World’s Greatest Book of Useless Information
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Darwin Fail
Okay, here’s a tough one:
You are trapped in a storm drain with a working cell phone. Do you:
a) Call the police
or
b) Update your facebook status
This past Sunday night, two girls from Australia, aged 10 and 12, chose “b” when they somehow managed to get themselves stuck in a South Australian drainage well system. I’m not kidding. They used their cell phones to access...
August 2009
7 posts
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Take me Somewhere Nice -Mogwai
If Broken...
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Ask your coke dealer to start stocking clove... →
coketalk:
Just when you thought the world couldn’t get any more outrageously hypocritical, the authoritarian douche-tanks in DC have up and banned flavored ciggies.
For the record, this bill was sponsored by a republican from Marlboro Country, so don’t kid yourself into thinking it will have any effect on public health. All this restriction will do is frustrate pretentious euro-trash and make a...
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